Why I Sometimes Want Dan Savage's Job

Here's what Dan Savage can do that I can't: If the answer to a situation is to end the relationship, he can say that. Because I am a sex educator and not a relationship counselor, I am not allowed to tell people to dump their partner, even if it's SO clear that that is the answer.

Okay, back up. Every relationship is different, and I never know the full story, so how could I possibly infer from people's questions about sex that they have a "bad relationship?" Also, Dan Savage sometimes acts like an asshole. Fair points, both of them.


But there are certain things that I think are crucial for a healthy relationship. The main one is communication. If you and your partner can't communicate with one another, it means there is no trust. At best, this means that you can't figure out what your partner wants or tell them what you want, so you won't be able to make each other happy in bed or in life. At worst, this leads to broken hearts and ruined lives. Not a recipe for success!

So when I encounter a person who wants to try a particular sex act or toy but can't talk to their partner about it for whatever reason, I'm pretty sure this is just a small symptom of a much bigger problem in the relationship. The same goes for people being jealous of their partner's sex toys (which happens way more often than you'd think), people being resistant to learning more about how to please their partner, and all the many issues that come up when someone suggests a threesome or an open relationship (which are both things that I fully support under the right circumstances).

Luckily, this is my blog, so I make the rules about what I can and can't say. Yay! So here's what I think (and you will never hear me say this at my day job): If you want to talk about something and feel like you can't bring it up with your partner because of __(insert reason here)__, the time has come to DUMP THEM. There are so many wonderful people in the world who will listen to you and respect you, so why settle for anything less? This all comes back to knowing that you are awesome and that you deserve someone who appreciates your awesomeness!

Also, read this, because it's the best thing I've read all day and I agree with it wholeheartedly!