What's really interesting about working in the sex industry is all the assumptions people make about your personal life. Granted, I sell adult toys and educate people about sex, which is not the same thing as having sex for money (which is something I totally support as an effective way to make a living, while recognizing that it's often problematic in this country because of legal and social issues, but that's another blog post for another time). However, I'm sure porn stars and sex workers get similar reactions if they choose to tell people about their line of work.
People have this idea that I am the kinkiest person alive, that I do everything in bed that I talk about in my classes, and that I basically am having sex every minute that I'm not working in the store and teaching (who knows? I could be wearing a bullet vibe in my panties right now while I'm talking to you! ...but I'm not). And I'll give you this much - my sex life is generally interesting, exciting, wonderful, and chock full of healthy, open, honest communication. However, there are many products that I sell and fully endorse but have never personally tried. There are many sex acts that I endorse and teach people about that I have never tried myself. This makes total sense. People who work in clothing stores - have you personally worn every piece of clothing that you sell? Of course not! Are you asked which pair of pants fits best on you? No, of course you're not. Because that's totally irrelevant information when it's someone else who is actually going to be wearing the pants. And when it comes to clothes, people understand that every body is different and that people have different personal preferences when it comes to style.
IT'S THE SAME THING WITH SEX.
Do you really want to do a thing in bed just because that thing happens to work well for me in bed? Not because it's what YOU actually want to do in bed? That sounds like a recipe for a really unhappy sex life.
I get it, I really do. People are so incredibly disempowered when it comes to their bodies and sex. In this culture, it's mostly women who bear the brunt of disempowerment, but it's true for men too. We are not taught how the sexual parts of our bodies work. We are not taught to explore our bodies, learn how to stimulate them, learn how to give ourselves pleasure. Instead, we're taught by omission that we are not the experts on our own bodies or our own pleasure. We're dependent on other people to bring us pleasure, and we just cross our fingers and hope that they had better training on these things than we did. It's so sad!
So let's all go home and touch ourselves, and let's recognize that masturbation is a revolutionary act. I may be a bit of an "expert" on sex acts, sex toys, etc., but I am NOT the expert on your body, and I shouldn't be. Your sex life will not be awesome because I tell you things. Your sex life will be awesome because you take control of it, learn how to pleasure yourself, learn what works best for you, and then invite someone else to be a part of your sex life only if they're willing to respect your expertise on your body. That's called sexual empowerment, and I am SUCH a fan!
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