Deja Vu All Over Again

Summer is the season for new love - summer flings, romance is in the air, it's so incredibly hot outside that of course all you want to do is rub your body up against someone else's because that makes perfect sense (hah!). This summer, though, I've been noticing that summer is not just for new love, it's also for rekindling old love. I have noticed a definite trend of people returning to former relationships to "give it another shot." Oh dear.

Disclaimer - sometimes all two people need is a little break from each other to get some perspective, and then they can return to a relationship with a fresh attitude and a new appreciation for everything they share together. And I think that's awesome, and it's so great to be able to recognize that that's what you need. And it's especially impressive if you can keep the line of open and honest communication going that whole time. If that's the case, good for you!

Too often though, we get addicted to people, which is why we conveniently forget about all the reasons why we broke up in the first place and return to a relationship. If this is something you're considering doing, please step back and ask yourself, "What has changed?" If you had a legitimate reason for breaking up in the first place (which most people do), has something changed to make that reason no longer exist? Because if the same reason still exists, it's just going to be a repeat of the last time. I actually had a friend tell me he's back together with this woman he dated last summer: "you know, the one who broke my heart." Um...red flag!!! Did you not sufficiently hurt each other the first time around? Why would you want more of that negativity in your life? (In case you're reading this, I love you friend, and I totally support you - I just also worry about you sometimes.)

Look, I've been in enough of these silly situations in my life to know that repeating mistakes is not a thing that feels good. It actually tends to make you feel stupid, foolish, and like you should have known better. So if you have an ex banging on your door (or in your bed), please think long and hard about whether you actually want to go down that road again. I've written here before about how sometimes we need to make mistakes or "bad decisions" just to remind ourselves that we can, and that it's okay to be imperfect. But common sense says: Don't walk into a situation that you know is going to be bad if you don't want a bad situation on your hands. Or at least tread very lightly. I love my friends, and I don't want you to get hurt. I also don't want to have to call in my network of assassins to go kill the people who hurt you - that costs a lot of money and can lead to awkward situations. Okay?